Dawn at night

“Tell me one reason why you had to take such a big risk?”, “Why would you do that, we believed in you, why did you take a decision without consulting us, It’s always about you, isn’t it?” “Why do you need partners in your company when you don’t care about them?” “You messed up everything; we both are not responsible for this”.

All these words are playing in his mind. Suddenly he heard a loud screech, he looked to his side, a car was speeding towards his way honking loud. He was so close that he can see the tense drivers face, the next second he hit floor and everything blacked out, he tried to open his eyes slowly, he couldn’t feel his body, Shouts of people and cars honks are slowly increasing, all he could see is a blurry image of someone asking if he was alright, slowly the noise waned. It was silent all over again. A loud voice yelled after a brief silence “It’s all your fault”

He woke up but he couldn’t see anyone around in his hospital room. He was sweating profusely. Hearing a sound he tilted his head towards the window, it was raining outside. His fractured hand was wrapped in a bandage and he could feel the pain surfacing. He was trying to remember how he got to the hospital, but all he could recollect were a few flashes of memory, people asking him if he was alright followed by the ambulance noise and then the blackout. But, he was unable to forget what had happened before the accident.

After opening a consultancy with two other partners, his life seemed to be sailing smoothly until he took a risk and gambled with a contract and landed the whole firm in trouble. He meant to consult his partners before he took this rather risky decision, but something inside him, probably the ego developed due to the past compromises he made with his partners lead to it. They blamed him for what he has done and disagreed to share the consequences. Blaming him for what he did and with no one on his side, dejected he stormed out of the office, he felt all his life was in tatters, his dreams collapsing before him. He stood at the gate looking at the road, he can hear the traffic speeding before him, and devoid of his pain life ruthlessly seems to rush. The noise slowly became unbearable, he stated walking down the road not caring about the traffic, suddenly he heard a screeching sound and turned to his head, a car was speeding towards his way honking, the next second he was down on the floor.

Lying on the hospital bed now, he was contemplating what had happened and how a decision messed things up. He was there now waking up to the real world, he felt worthless, he felt he has no reason to live, all his dreams were falling apart before him, the company; his dream was lying broken, tears slowly dripped from his eyes, he felt helpless. He lay back on his bed and said “life is not fair”. He knew that risks had to be taken in a business; he shook his head repeating again that life is not fair to him and why does only he have all the problems.



After watching the motionless ceiling for some time, he looked out of the window and saw a kid in the playing happily in the rain; he thought how happy that kid was and wished he was a kid again. He walked slowly to the door, limping and walking. A fresh breeze with a mist of water hit his face when he opened the door. He limped outside towards the balcony; he saw a bench close to the door and sat there. Looking into the rain, he wondered yet again, “Why isn’t life fair to me?” The kid who was playing in the rain came into the balcony, he looked at him with a beaming smile, the smile was such that even he who was misery drowned couldn’t do anything but smile back.
The kid came and sat beside him, the kid asked him rubbing the rain water off his face, “do you like rain?” Before he replied, the kid added “I love it, I like to play in the rain, I always do”. The kid then looked at his hand and asked, “What happened to your hand, did someone hit you?” He replied “Yeah, a car hit me, it was an accident”. The kid laughed and said “My mom always told me that you will be hit by a car if you are not careful”. The kid added mimicking what he was saying “you should look left first and then right and then cross”. The man replied “I was not careful I guess”. The kid asked again inquiringly “Why are you not careful?” The man replied “It’s a long story”. The kid quickly replied “Tell me, I like stories, I anyway have to wait till evening, I am going home today”. The man replied “that’s good, what happened to you, why were you here?” “I got a fever, but now I am feeling good, so they are sending me home, am going to play with my friends. I haven’t met them for a month because of my fever”. The kid without a pause added, “Tell me about your story, what happened to you?” The man replied “Well, you know what a consultancy is? What a tender is? what partnerships are?”. The kid had a puzzled expression on his face; he said “No, I don’t”. The man replied “well, then you won’t understand my story”. The kid replied “Yeah, but how does those things make you less careful”. The man smiled and replied “I don’t know things are not going well for me, life is not fair kid, you will know it when you grow up” The kid looked at him with another puzzled expression and said “I felt bad when I was here for a month, I cannot play and they did many painful tests on me, today am going home, they will let you go home too, you will be happy then”. He looked at the kid and smiled. Both of them sat silently and looked into the rain.

After being silent for some time, the kid slowly fell asleep on his shoulder. After a few minutes, the nurse came searching for the kid, “His parents are here, they were searching for him”. After a few minutes, he saw the kid walking away with his parents, elated. The doctor came out with them, kissed the kid on his cheek and asked him to be nice. There was something that was missing; the doctor’s expressions seemed unnatural. The kid walked away holding his parents hands, as if he someone had called him, the kid looked at him and waved, he waved back with a smile.

The doctor saw him waving back at the kid, he came to him and asked how his hand was, and he replied it hurts. The doctor advised him not to strain his hand too much for at least a month. He then asked the doctor about the kid and why he was here. The doctor began saying “the kid was brought in a month ago with serious abdominal pain, when we looked into it, he was detected with intestine cancer” the doctor looked away from him and said “he only has few days left, he is not responding to treatment, we thought it would be good to let him free the last few days” This hit him like a bolt, more impactful than the car.

The boys words came back to him, “I felt bad when I was here for a month as I cannot play and they did many tests on me, but see today am happy, you will be happy too”. He wondered “I was telling myself life was unfair to me, if it was unfair to me, then what is it to that kid”. Walking back into his room he wondered “The kid doesn’t even know what he has, he doesn’t know that he will die, he was living with a hope, a hope that he will play happily with his friends. He sat on his bed and started thinking “Life is unfair to everyone, no one said its going to be fair, others have bigger problems than us, losing hope is losing life”. That night brought a new dawn in his life.

We and the media

When was the last time you saw a newspaper praising the government for something it had done, not just Indian media to the least, the global media in general. Is the Indian government has really been that bad?, with scams surfacing every now and then, with a GDP expected to raise at 8.3%, touted globally as a rising Asian giant, having a transparency index of 3.3 (on a scale of 0-10, 0 being highly corrupt, 10 being highly clean), with some people trying to fight corruption by exercising their fundamental rights. If asked to describe about this country in a single word, I would say “India”. Growth, scams, hoopla, cricket, movies; everything happens here, everything so contradictory, but at the same time, a striking balance keeps it altogether. In such a country, politics plays a center stage and the media’s role is rather tricky, often biased, often opinionated. Let’s take a look at the contemporary politicians, to start with the Prime Minister, Dr. Manmohan Singh, a finance minister in the past, yes he is not that articulate, does it mean that he is ineffective? Digvijay Singh, the general secretary of congress gives his piece of mind which you might not like but you just cannot ignore it. The leaders of the opposition Arun Jaitely and his own party rival Sushma Swaraj use the media as their mouth piece, they don’t leave any opportunity to shout out loud which not only proves their existence but also gives the impression to the common man that they care. The real question here is “how much is essential of a politician to go on air and express his views”. 100% I would say, after all how people would know what’s going on if their elected leaders stay mute. Manmohan singh might be widely appreciated for his integrity but his media silent image makes him akin to a dumb man blessed with a lot of singing talent. Coming back to the media responsibility, ethically speaking, media has to be skeptical, but at the same time should equally be exalting the government on the growth and beneficial policies if any. So much negativity has never lasted long and never will, trash and nail the politicians if they are wrong, laud the exemplary, after all these hiccups are normal in a thriving economy. With politically elite people blogging and twittering, and with facebook triggering democratic revolutions, media and internet have risen to a new level, a link between people at different places and different levels. Media transparency which completes and complements the democratic cycle of a country is the major advantage we have over China, improving it empowers us. If you want to know what’s happening right now, go to a news website, if you really want to know what the hell actually happened, go to Wikileaks.

The Modern Buddha

A few days ago I read about Siddhartha, the rich king who later in his life going through different and profound emotions turned out to be the Buddha. The story seemed so fascinating, what enthuses me about the Buddhism is the fact that it is a religion preached by a person who lived in the recent past. The transformation from Siddhartha into Buddha is so compelling that you will actually believe that, if one passes through a series of intense life changing ups and downs, its believable that you will attain this so called enlightenment. Buddha according to me is not a person; it’s a state of mind. In this state of mind, everything around you makes sense to you, even the most complex of human emotions, in simpler terms, it’s conquering your own self completely, a complete control on your emotions. According to what I read, Siddhartha was a king, he had everything he wanted in his life, he enjoyed music, lived in a palace, was entertained by women, he had every pleasure he could imagine of. He then married a beautiful princess and had a baby. He was never subjected to suffering for 28 years, which indeed was a very long time. It’s better than a fairy tale actually; even characters in a fairy tale had to fight or overcome problems to live happily ever after. So he found out that something wasn’t correct. He then went out of his palace to discover the pains and sufferings people are subjected to. He then leaves his palace and goes into the forest leaving two things behind, firstly the lifeless and temporary riches and comforts. Secondly, he left his wife, their month’s old kid, the love that existed between them and the love that would have existed if he stayed back. He then tried different methods to achieve enlightenment. He did not eat for months and just meditated, he approached different teachers and he was hurt physically as well as mentally. After going through all this, he was said to have attained enlightenment. In the present world, if we begin searching for another Buddha (as I began by saying that I understood Buddha as the state of mind but not a person) if looked carefully we might find them around us. These modern Buddha’s are not raised in palaces (considering that born and raised in a palace is an advantage, which I would like to call it as an “up”), but they are born in homes in which they ate healthy food, went to good schools, had parties, had friends (which Buddha lacked by the way, he was kept away from the outside world by his father). If all these were considered up’s. They might have a few downs in their lives too, breaking up of relationships, failing in school, problems managing money, again Buddha didn’t have these kind of low’s, which has its advantages and disadvantages equally shared. If thinking that going through a series of amazing ups and hard hitting downs, analyzing them and understanding them is a way to enlightenment, then many of us have reached there. Are we all Buddha’s then? The answer would be no. We cannot be Buddha. We do not live in solitaire, we do not and cannot meditate every day, we are the part and parcel of a fast moving world, a world more growing with technology and shrinking in value every passing day, we learn from our mistakes, we make new mistakes, we drink, we eat, we celebrate when we succeed, we lock ourselves away from others and cry when we lose. We, humans are a combination of various emotions. Buddha’s way of enlightenment is past; he was always looking for the reason behind human suffering. The new way to enlightenment is learning from your mistakes and making new ones, thereby learning more. Conquering emotions is what Buddha did to achieve enlightenment, it’s a way. But history would have changed very little if everyone chose the same path. Whoever looks for reasons which lead to their mistakes and generalizes them turn into philosophers, the very new breed of Modern Buddha’s.

HIM and HER

They just parked the car, he opened the door and was about to get out of the car when she sternly said
She: Can we sit in the car for some time; I need to talk to you
She was moody all the night, spoke very little
He: Sure
He came back into the car and shut the door. She turned down the engine, turned towards him and spoke
She: I cannot do this anymore. I don’t see any future for our relationship
He looked away from her; he began looking at the beautiful moon through the car window. He knew this was coming. But he hoped against hope that things will work out between them. The kid inside him wanted to enjoy the beautiful moon instead of facing her and accepting the break up. He finally turned at her. Her eyes showed she already made her decision, he paused for a minute. The silence was killing him. He doesn’t want to accept that everything between them was over.
He: I don’t know what to say, if you already made your decision regarding us and if you think it’s better if we both stay apart.
A long silence followed. The time seems to have stopped
She: Can we go now, am tired.
He just nodded his head, pulled of his jacket hood to hide his face under it and walked out of the car.
He went into his room, he couldn’t control his tears. He screamed loud.. Buried his face in between his hands.. His mind is asking for reasons, but his heart just wants to cry..

He ran into her a few days later. Both of them took a walk and talked about them, she explained the reasons for their breakup.
She: I am moving away from here, that’s the main reason and I don’t think long distance relationships work for me
He: Can we be friends at least? I don’t want to be away from you just because you broke up with me. But deep inside he knew that everything is over.
She: Sure, we can. I am actually leaving tonight
They hugged each other and he left. He went back and wrote ..



“ You were in a hurry to leave for your flight., i asked you if i can talk to you for a minute, you said yes and closed the door behind you.. the only thing i asked you was a promise from you that we will meet in the future, you nodded your head, but you are looking away from me.. you hugged me quickly, turned away and left.. all this must have happened in like 3-4 seconds.. but those 3-4 seconds felt like days for me.. after you hugged me, turned away and left.. my time stood still..the world froze.. i couldn't move, am just breathing.. i just stood there.. even now.. i am still there”

Wherever he went, her memories followed her. He thought about her when he is sleeping, she was in his dreams. The early morning reminded him of her.

He knew that hurting him was never her intention, he knew that she enjoyed the time she spent with him.

His love towards her made him a poet of pain for some time, as time passed away.. that pain made him a poet of love. He wrote about love, the very interesting phenomenon which kept them together, which made him ask for more for the first time in his life

He wrote “People say that time will heal all your wounds and ease the pain.. But, for time to wipe you out, you are not a memory.. you are my life”

Be the Best

All am trying to do is analyzing a man who defied age and fatigue for more than 20 years and is still in the game. Many a young talents came and went during his illustrious career, he had to carry the entire teams responsibility, remember the time when the entire Indian batting line up collapsed as soon as he got out, after a few years he got competition, but neither the new players determination nor their talent were a match to this colossus. Then there was 20-20 cricket, a form of game which didnt exsist when he started playing cricket..he failed at it in the beginning, they said 20-20 is only for young cricketers, he defied it proving yet again that he is a phenomenal cricketer.. he has more than 100 centuries...he must have watched his team lose a lot of matches, he raised the best player trophies a lot of time, he got drenched in Champagne after his team's victory. Nevertheless, he still kept his enthusiasm intact, he suffered a lot of injuries, he had slumps in his form.. he is not like rocky the boxer.. he didn't take a break and then made a dream comeback, for he is no rocky.. he didn't lose his enthusiasm for his game even though he was awarded fame and money..for in an impulsive country like India, instant success and consequent riches are not really hard to achieve.. But, cricket was always his first love.. Then i realised this, when you love something a lot.. you will excel at it.. if you love something a lot, and if you are gifted with extraodinary levels of genius.. you'll simply be a Sachin Tendulkar at it. Sachin was probably successfull becasue he was never afraid of competition, he know and he believed that he is the best and he is humble all throughout his career, he accepted every defeat,..he never had controversies with other players in his career spanning over 20 years. he conquered his emotions.Arrogance has never been an attribute of legendary players.. He acknowledges his every milestone to the god by looking at the heavens, he is humble to god even when the whole country considers him as a god..his down to earth approach completes eliminates the ego factor. The expectations he have on him when he goes to bat in every match are surreal, he was expected to hit centuries in each and every match he plays, when he was out for a duck in the world cup 2003 versus sri lanka, he didn't show any emotion, for he is way beyond them, for him it was just another match in which he missed a ball. Tendulkar is not just a cricketer, he is a human example for success. Speaking about enthusiasm, i once asked my professor who was teaching in the same university since the last 25 years, if he is bored of teaching everyday.. he replied that he isnt, and he added that there is always a new thing to learn everyday and that he has to learn it and teach it to the students, so when you are learning something new everyday, its not mundane anymore.If i go and ask the same to sachin whether he is bored of cricket, he will probably reply in the same manner.. enthusiasm is the key to success, if not, atleast it is the key to self satisfaction.. Sachin is doing it throughout the years as he is fond of doing it.. my teacher is still teaching with the same interest as he did 20 years as he likes doing it.. if you really want to be prolific, whatver field you are in, whatever you are doing, whoever you are..never lose the enthusiasm towards what you are doing.. don't think of being famous, don't aim to be rich, for they are temporary and will take you nowhere.. the right way is to approach it with zeal, and most of all believe that you are the best.. you will be the best..

The lake

He was on his way walking to the lake now, half way thru already. He will have to cross the Lincoln street, and then the east stadium boulevard, a few yards from cherry street and there lies the lake in all its glory, not a lot of fishes though owing to the reason that it’s a manmade lake, a wide variety of trees bordering the lake and silhouetting the mountains in the background. He is on the Lincoln street now and the sun is beginning to set, throughout the way he laid his hand on his pocket where he kept his cell phone, occasionally taking it out and checking if he got any messages. He rarely walked alone on that street; there was some sort of sadness in his eyes, quiver in his breath and loneliness filled all over him. As he walked he thought how different life could be, he stopped at a tree where he held her hand, where they looked into each other’s eyes, that’s when she said “We will be together, forever”. The time has passed away and he passed the tree continuing his journey to the lake. He remembered a line which he read from a book a while ago, “You come alone to this world, you will go alone”. He laughed at his very thought, it wasn’t his usual laugh though, this was a laugh at his own ignorance.



He took out his cell phone again; it still had no text messages or missed calls, just a wallpaper of her looking at him and smiling. Now he came to the end of the street, if they were together, they would normally run across the street if it was the red signal, she never liked it but ran with him as he wanted to do it. The traffic light showed red, he wanted to run but stopped now as she doesn’t like running the signal, his inside voice spoke, “Run, idiot! There is no one stopping you now”. He came to the stadium boulevard now; there are no people on the side walk. He took out his cell phone thinking if she called him or texted him, but there was nothing, just her wallpaper smiling at him. He continued to walk silently, his feet cramping as he didn’t have any food since the last few days. He finally came to the cherry street, a few paces and he could see the lake, he could see her run before him and challenging him to beat her to the lake. He started running, slipped and fell to the ground, his hand bruised badly, he looked at the street, there were no one, she wasn’t there, but he could still feel her around. He walked slowly to the lake, sat at the coast with his feet in the cold water; he could feel the gravel and the sand under his feet. He cried looking into the lake, water slowly came down his moon-lit cheeks. He spent countless nights with her near the lake, she passed away, but he will keep coming to the lake, even though she passed away her memories will remain with him, their memories will remain with the lake.

The NEW jOB

“ i am the same whatever it is, having to do many things, many reason to owe.. no one to blame except me.. failed yet again..lost this job..sitting at the same place again..listening to the same sad songs again and again to drain my sorrow…” that’s my story these days, people of my age going with their girls after the days work..its long since I had a drink with the girl liked..girls here come with money..i need to go search for a new job..again the very routine job…setting goals and achieving them, time and achievements decide my pay..and there will be one Mr.Harry in every office who will try his best to drag you down the ladder..ok..enough blaming the world..lets go do something exciting before joining a job”

Its 10 in the night, he just has enough money to pay that nights dinner, sipping the soda from the can he came to the street, wind is blowing at a steady pace, a paper came to his feet…it was the days news paper, rugged and tore by the cruel day…he took it into his hands..he saw an advertisement displaying the photo of a woman, who robbed her owner and ran with money...he smiled at her photo…he thought may be he could ask her out…he smiled at the very thought…he trashed the can and started walking his way back home..hands tucked inside his pockets…he walked alone the road..he didn’t sleep that night…thoughts wandered in his mind on what to do..he lost many jobs but he never quite felt this way..he woke up early that morning and went to the very office he was fired yesterday…he went to the managers cabin… “I am so sorry for what I did, I promise that I’ll work to your expectations this time, please give me a chance”. He paused for a second started walking to the manager and held his neck with lightning speed and said “do you think I will say that”...”give me all the money you have, else this will be your last day at this office..” the manager gave the money…he pushed the manager into a corner and started running pushing everything aside..he felt content and happy while running...he very barely knew that the manager called the police…the police who were searching for the girl who robbed her owner came to the block..he saw the police running towards him..he stopped running and tried to pretend like a normal man…the manager who by the time following him shouted “catch him”… after chasing for some time the police caught him and took him to the police car…even though he was caught, he was not feeling the way he felt after losing the job..he saw someone in the car…the police pushed him into the car…he looked at the girl in the car, shes the very girl he saw in the last days paper…he smiled at her…she smiled too..he suddenly held her throat…she started to scream and gasp for breath…the police tried to drag and separate them out…they caught him and dragged him out of the car…his grip was so strong that she came along with him…he released his grip from her throat..the police gave a blow on his face and went to the women who fell as if she was dead…they tried to bring her breath back…meanwhile he quickly reached for the cops gun and kept it to the cops head…she quickly rose up and came behind him…they pushed the cops into the car, took the car keys, broke the radio and locked the car from outside…and they happily ran ever after